Incidents & Such Like: Kaiser

KAISER

I have been in Germany a few times and particularly when the Oktoberfest is on, which is an interesting event with some six million people attending it yearly; attending!! Sure. The right expression would be, perhaps, guzzling drinking their way through the entire range of the beers available. This incident did not happen at the Fest but in a store at the centre of Munich where there is a very novel idea which I have not seen the like of in any other country: an area for the gents to sit in a bar-like setting and have liquid refreshments served by a glamorous dolly-bird while their other halves spend their money undisturbed. So he is happy with the dolly and she is happy with all the shopping. This system beats the male following your every step and saying things like: ‘You don’t need that!’ She: ‘Of course, I need it. Otherwise I would not be shopping for it!!’, sure! The right expression would be, perhaps, guzzling drinking their way through the entire range of the beers available.

We – that is – himself and I were shopping in the men’s section of this large store and himself wants to get his stuff without my expertise, so I am sitting there on a seat looking what the other people are doing, when this man – the size of, let’s say: he would be a giant among the pygmies, with a very large frau come near to where I am right besides the full-length mirror.

He is trying on a vast selection of winter overcoats by the large mirror, turning this way, turning that way, looking very pleased with himself while the shop assistant and the frau look on with approval. They talk about the different styles and what would be the best for him to buy.

I say nothing at this stage but smile benevolently at their direction, as tis not my man and none of my biz what he buys or not buys.

Then he tries on this very dark, large and long overcoat with a kind of military style to it. Oh, he is ever so pleased with what he sees of his reflection in the mirror; doing positively ‘napoleonic’ gestures and looking so imperial.

He puts his arm inside the buttons at the front and does his kaiser-like pose stretching to his full height and the heels nearly clicking when, at this point, I say to him:

“Kaiser Wilhelm!”

He cracks up with a hearty laughter falling over nearly and sees it for himself, too. After a minute or two he begins to tell his frau and the sales assistant what I had said for they did not hear it.

The assistant is not that happy, I must say. His commission on that particular coat must have been substantial if he had managed to sell it, of course.

To this day I do not know for sure if the man bought this Kaiser Wilhelm-coat or not because himself came laden that very moment with his shopping and we moved off the spot.

So, anybody living in Munich, if you see a man walking around in an overcoat looking like the Kaiser Wilhelm, let me know. Please. It could be HIM.

Tis for now. Riihele xx.

PS.

It is always risky to say anything to anybody one does not know and I took a quickly calculated risk – hmm, about 2 secs – in saying to him what I did. Thank God, his sense of humour was brilliant and he did not get mad at me!

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